Bravery

It's been almost a week since I posted; it's been a rough one. My ezcema has decided to have a party around my mouth and on my right hand. I vascillate between feeling like a leper, wallowing in gallons of self-pity, self-hatred, and paralyzing self-consciousness, and feeling brave, reminding myself I am beautiful, and it will get better. My boyfriend, wonderful man that he is, assures me I am most certainly not the former, and definitely the latter. And that helps so much. I'm going to a walk-in doctor's appointment tomorrow, early in the morning, to get this under control. I really just want to get rid of the rash around my mouth. It flared up horribly in the last couple of days, but I'm doing everything I can to keep it at a moderate bay: not eating any spicy or acidic foods, drinking everything through a straw, being careful that whatever I eat it won't risk brushing against the affected skin, covering it in Vaseline, smiling as much as possible, and getting fresh air. I also have an eye infection and ezcema behind my right ear as well. Nice eh. But I started eye drops today, so hopefully that will get better within the week, and antiobiotic ointment I have been using for behind my ear is working. I know that this flare-up is an expression of stress, most certainly. And then I get stressed about it, so it gets worse. But, things will be alright. I'm working really hard, being really brave, to do everything I can in my day-to-day actions to eliminate all forms of irritation. And then, hopefully, whatever the doctor prescribes tomorrow will put it into remission. I'm so distrusting of doctors that I'm beginning to work myself into a tizzy over the inevitable fact that they will know nothing and prescribe me a useless product. But, it will be fine. It just sucks to deal with. However, things could be worse. 95% of my skin is in great, dewey shape, my hair is thick and long, and I have a man that loves me. I'm in the process of choosing which community garden I want to become a part of: MOBY, Strathcona, and Cedar Cottage are the finalists. They all have their pros and cons. I'm excited; this time next year I will hopefully have harvested delicious varieties of lettuce, tomatoes, and Swiss chard from healthy well-loved soil and eaten it in the comforts of our own home. From my field to my table. I'm thinking I will keep to self-seeding crops to start, as they are easier to grow with the assurance they will turn out more or less how I expect. Plus, I am crossing my fingers that I will be able to take a "Food is a Political Act" month-long course at VCC in January. And, of course, as always I am looking to forward to working at the market on Saturday, seeing Patrick and Michael and Lisa and all my other favourite vendors selling their delicious products. Ahh Bonchaz buns.
Here's to personal bravery, hopes for the future, and welcome healing.
Na mas te.